She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
