Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I need to align my fucking chakras
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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