He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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