I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
