listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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