Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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