i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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