Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
