My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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