Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
