He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
