What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
