I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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