I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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