He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
