She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
