We're like a lot better than the average bears
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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