I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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