I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
