matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
