dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
