As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
