covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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