this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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