Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hippo gnu deer
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
