drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
