you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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