remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
farters have to be the big spoon...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
