franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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