Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
