Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she smelled like a LAN party
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
