Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
