So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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