We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
