Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
