She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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