i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
