I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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