i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
