butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
