He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
