Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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