Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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