Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
