You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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