Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
