I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
