This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
