Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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