oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
