I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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