I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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