I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
