Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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