I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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