so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
